It’s funny how i get to abuse my blog by spamming it with so many posts before people can read it properly.

What’s the difference between brilliance and being smart? It’s not like a textbook rebuttal between which is better. It’s not like a scientific analysis with advantages or disadvantages. It’s not like a dictionary definition which sometimes make you feel neither because its explanation is so subtle and simple. It’s not comparing the context at which how both words can be used.

And it’s really funny how some people notice something or have wonderful ideas but it just stop there. And they do nothing about it. And all their great ideas and thoughts just go down the drain with them, not even being able to share with the world.

—

Today,
a school bus,
full of little kids.
on their way home,
collided,
with,

a pregnant woman,

who’s child was to be a great scientist who in the future would make important discoveries.

An avenue

do you trust me?

“Why?”

i need to know..

–

once upon a time,
i wanted to know what love was.
love is there if you want it to be
you just have to see that it’s wrapped in beauty
and hidden away between the seconds of your life

if you dont stop for a minute
you might miss it.

When the truth is…

If i told you in my loudest tones, nothing would have made a real difference anyway. No matter how hard i try, my words would seem impervious to your ears. And it doesn’t matter if it happened, what really mattered would be how you would take it.

Mr Liew said that the fyp group had some pretty brilliant ideas… and i hope that’s enough to see us through the storm for now.

Truth be told, i feel rather shitty these few days and i haven’t got any remedy for whatever i feel like. I guess it’s not only shitty, because i feel rather undescribable. Something’s got the hold of me and i wish it would let go but i don’t know what’s the dead weight holding me down.

Feynman asked me “don’t you have time to think?” but the trouble is i do think. Or maybe i’m just not thinking enough, but that’s never the case. Perhaps you can give me the answer.

Today, i’ve finally proven, without any equations, that the more you try to protect something, the more you tend to lose your grip and let things slip right through your fingers and quite honestly, the feeling is fucked up. I guess shit happens but i didn’t expect it to happen this way.

Letters

FYP is insane. Still, every year students graduate from poly after a nightmare with FYP. I guess it won’t be any different for us, and for those after us.

Last night, after a very screwed up week, Thenesh and I decided to crash Environment Club’s freshmen camp. I guess there’s nothing different from any camp but i met a few really nice people and of course the awesome night walk. And today’s mundane as well. Things haven’t been going well but everything will be alright in the end.

And another story for your liking.

—-

Letters from a Little Rat

Dear Lord,
Thank you for my mama. You know the one, my human mama. She picked me! How awesome is that. She could have easily chosen another, but she heard me calling to her. She cuddled me on the way home instead of leaving me in the scary box, and gave me the most special foods that night to make me feel welcome. She has given me a new family and they are still unsure about me, but i think everything will be ok because my mama is there to keep me safe.
–

Thank you for my mama. She constantly tells me I am beautiful and perfect even though I know I have flaws. Only you, Lord, are perfect, but mama says that my flaws are what make me perfect. I don’t understand that but I guess that is what true love is about.
–

Thank you for my mama. She makes me take my medicines when I am sick and I hate that, but I do not hate my mama. After all, she is trying to make me get better. Afterwards she gives me something yummy to try to take the bad medicine taste away. I can’t wait to get better so she doesn’t have to put up with my grumpiness about taking my medicine too long.
–

Thank you for my mama. Did I say that already? I can’t say it enough. She makes me feel needed especially when she is having a bad day. All I have to do is be there and her troubles melt away. She doesn’t know it, but I am always with her, and i feel when she stresses out away from home. I tell her I love her and send calm thoughts to her, but she doesn’t hear me very often. Still, I won’t stop coming with her in spirit, after all, it is my job. If she thinks of me even once in the middle of her day, she instantly smiles, and I know I have done an extra good job that day.
–

Thank you so very much for my mama. My final days are here and she is worried. I want to tell her she has done a good job. The pain I learned to live with was barely noticeable because I love her so very much, but I can hide it no longer. I want her know that she isn’t playing God if she helps me leave this body, she is giving me the greatest gift of all: an honorable release from the pain. Knowing that she is willing to go through such pain to help end mine gives me the courage I need to face this endless night while she watches over me. My time is complete and you already have a plan set in motion to send another little rat to her when the time is right, one to help her heal, one who will feel just as special as I do in her arms.

Tomorrow we will go together to that place where I will be helped out of my broken down body. I can already see the animal spirit who has come to help guide my way when the time comes. If I happen to slip away when my mama isn’t with my physical body, I know I will still feel her thoughts surrounding me like a warm blanket of love, keeping me safe.
–

Dear Lord,
Thank you for my mama. I just wanted to tell you that in person, Lord. I finally understand how love works, now that I am here with you. There is no limit to love and my mama will never need to give her love for me to anyone else. I will always have a special place in her heart. And I will always be able to visit my mama even though she cannot see me. She gives me purpose even now, though I have left my physical body behind. I will tell her every day that I love her, and I will tickle her memories with my whiskers to watch her smile when she remembers how I looked at her to tell her I loved her.

-end-

—

Sometimes you’re further than the moon
Sometimes you’re closer than my skin
Sometimes you’re… not really even there.

Before you wonder, this is a story. I got bored of almost everything and havent got the mood for anything else, except for writing.

–

She’s learning how to be happy even when she’s alone. She wishes that she could be the 2 year old that comes over with a smile only because she wants to play. And she’s turning 20 on November 29th but she has never felt more lost. She’s searched inside and outside, around the world but returns with nothing gained. She’s that girl uses liquid paper to write against black surfaces.

And she doesn’t want you to know her name.

She feels that she doesn’t need complicated words to describe something complicated. She thinks that tables, as simple as they may be, are actually very complex compositions of particles like atoms and bonds and such. She likes math but feels that nothing goes beyond the numbers she sees daily.

I had a talk with her that day and she told me that it’s beautiful – no matter how bad your finances are, charity survives. And that no matter how boring a subject may be it may be another person’s favourite. She also said that she enjoyed swimming with the fishes in the sea although the irony is that the sea surrounding singapore isn’t exactly fit for swimming. She hopes that one day i would narrate her life to her, so that she can be the critique to her character and everything else that’s bad but it’s mainly because she thought it’d be interesting.

I really think that she’s a wonderful person, and she thinks that of me too.

So, doctor, how can hanging out with her be harmful for me?

Doctor: Because she doesn’t exist and what exists is schizophrenia. Your mind are playing tricks on you.

—

Vienna

If you haven’t already realised, this is my final year in sp. I met a person whom i considered a genius as this was our conversation. He had been a mentor though he’s long gone.

—

how’s your project coming along?

“it’s okay. but more towards the dying side”

can i ask you something?

“yah what is it?”

think back when you’re young, which for you that isn’t too far back, did you like science?

“yeah, for as long as i can remember”

good.

“why?”

remember, it’s supposed to be fun.

—-

Honestly, i panic when people sometimes ask me why did i choose the course im in. I just give them the answer that “i’m interested in aircraft and everything about it”. That really isn’t the reason though. Because i like what i’m doing. As insane as it sounds, i enjoy the calculations and the numbers and the beautiful theories behind the workings of an aircraft.

And i thank God for every single day i’m inside this course. If only you’d known how hard i fought to get in.

I just have to remember it’s supposed to be fun. Fun.

—

And i’ll see you again.

schoolios

Last week has been a heck of a week with so much things that i could barely even recall what actually happened on a day by day basis. This week will not be spared likewise. With only less than a week to the reopening of school, it doesn’t really matter because the SP has been a frequent visit this holidays.

I really hope the new term wouldn’t be as draining, but i already know it will be anyway. But i keep hoping, anyway.

So i’ll see you when i do.

Not having to come online in a while really meant that i had alot of time to do what i really liked and wanted to do. There’s more time to read, write and think – pretty much like having enough rest. Although, i must admit, i’ve been sleeping at 1-3AM in the morning and not waking up till about 10AM.

That’s only because my internet is down… yet again.

This time round it’ll stay that way for quite a while because my internet connection has been terminated due to the intolerance of my mum towards SingTel. Lol. And that, again, is really nothing new at all as well.

And i’ll be shifting house soon, which means i won’t have an occasional cat sleeping at my doorstep almost everytime i try to get out of the house. Anyhow’s, i don’t feel the least bit excited about the move. I guess it’s because i’ve grown to like this place alot more than i can explain. And the long journeys… well i guess i’ve also gotten really used to complaining about it. It will also mean that i will no longer hear huge aircrafts leaving Changi Airport at 3am in the morning. But things change and a few months later everything will just be memories =) and remembering good/bad times wouldn’t be that hard to come by anymore.

There’s thing about Taylor Swift these days. Everyone seems to be listening to her songs which i think are really nice too. But that’s just a thought =D

Speaking of thoughts… which might lead you to wonder how i managed to post this entry despite a very unfriendly internet connection – school. I’m in school and it’s really huge library with very few people and no mad lunch time crowds which permitted me unlimited booking time. That’s why i can even type this entry =))

So i’ll see you when i do.